Moon and stars hang above the night space. I am treading empty public road, nobody there...when I glanced into every windowed building alongside road to simply searching someone-strangers like me- to be friend of this journey. However, they already had someone in their side. I started to doubt, do I will find someone, to befriend? Possible... possibly she resides in edge of road, which I not yet go through. Night has incessant more and more but I could not find anyone in this town, in road, which passed by... Finally, I find someone; we learn to hold on each other and trust one another. How far this can go then? Does she will continue to walk with me? She might possibly decide bend in a crossroad or stopped somewhere... will that happened? Uneasy for me to erase this feeling, human being not designed to forget easily, as easy as deleted a file in computer. Feeling of fondness that uneasy to wipe out, it fuses deeply in human’s cerebrum, even they died. Is any there for me? Since, someone created for another. Will someone awaiting me at the edge of the road? Someone able to understand myself and accept me in one piece? Someone that capable to offer endurance of pain when shredded memory trudging into my chest. Is there any?
xxx.
UNGRANTED PAST PROMISE
(Past Promise That Do Not Fulfilled)
Night not yet dissolve, the daylight just went up hour ago from its shining throne. Atmosphere in this town still the same, just still frenzied like two year ago, my first come to this town. However, something amend, too much detached was me discover here. People I known seem anonymous. Well, each and everyone surely evolving, except for accumulated atmospheric of alienation I sense around it.
Groups of nocturnes Insect surrounding the streetlamp, reminds me of promise which spoken beneath on that night. Night when spotlight of Tower Supremacy pass by quickly, cutting warm air which circulating around us, a childhood promise ...my promise to Fadia that I will return again to pick her up, not as childhood friend in Kindergarten, Elementary, Secondary, or High School but as a decent man who get his upcoming wife. “But that past promise I mend seems ungranted...” I said with the minor voice, creating a monologue about the fact that I face now. In there, under a gazebo, beyond the slow, weak swaying coconut leaf ornament played by breezy wind. I idle up without something or someone may perhaps capture my awareness to move from place I stand, outside light scope and wavering of celebration in the atmosphere. Amass of stacking measure of various loudspeakers beating toward to me, punched my face, piercing my chest with beat by beat of tone and said ' Here! Come and see, how lovely is Fadia with her wrapping white wedding Hijab!’ I know... since I am the one who know the most what a lovely, glittering girl she is in her Hijab. I was first person who know her phobia of narrow; tight room, first person know her problems, first person that he cried for by time I move school, and... First person that informed her wedding with wealthy young man that capable to and succeed bought the mother father bless to marry her accompanied with invitation one day later. Seemingly, I have far from losing time, 25 hour! “How about my promise?" is it proper if I do not fulfill that promise? Since Promise is debt and every debt needs to be grant complete or piece-by-piece. Yet with what I should repay? It is impossible for me to make her my bride... not now. Do I have to wait until that could happen? More than that, does she remember that promise? Because, it wasted time waiting for something absurd. Wish can get answer from all those questions tonight, NOW. Footsteps, which lightened at first swinger, turn heavy immediately and sunk into public road pave like jammed by super glue when my body entered gazebo. “nervous don’t you think?" ask myself monologically toward to knee and a pair of shoes which also vibrated, accompanied knee which do not desist tremble. “You surely come..." say the bride when I reside in line of guests which wish congratulate the couple.
” Yes, I definitely come... just like always I said to you each time I promise" I replied with a sincere smile, without constraint. Fadia’s expression seems changing, possibly she remember that promise. I return her smile, this time by nod “It’s O.K. I’m happy that you have remembered," I said cheering her up and move to men which wedded her. Typical is nature of tycoon, fully loaded arrogance, handsome enough because coming from what noble family, which is, clearly patch in his face. Well, this is the moment of returning to reality, my mild area without noisy. In a flash, I saw transparent seed of tears slowly streaming from Fadia’s cheek behind the congratulating embrace of guests. They take no account of that thing, possibly for them that were tears of happiness, which moved emotionally. However, more significance than that to me.
xxx
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